Exploring new and radical ways to improve the partnership between home and school
I visit around 40 schools a year and it’s clear that the relationship with parents is not going well.
Many current headteachers would probably characterise the relationship between home and school as ‘conflictual’, whereas parents are likely to view the education of their children not as a partnership at all – more an ongoing transaction between customer and supplier.
Many teachers would describe a significant minority of parents as entitled, arrogant and aggressive. On the other hand, parents often describe teachers as lazy, incompetent and obstructive.
So, what can we do to make it better?
Some background
A quick anecdote from my time as a Head. Year 10 were in a Maths lesson; Ben got up to talk to the teacher at the front of the room. By the time he sat down again someone had graffitied his book with personally offensive remarks. Ben was upset and reported it, so once the Deputy Head had investigated, it came to my desk to resolve.
The culprit was Alex and, from my point of view, the cap fitted. I interviewed Alex; his response to the accusation was limp and half-hearted so I decided to write home and inform them of his wrongdoing and the reason for his detention.
Immediately after school that day, Alex’s father requested an urgent meeting during which he protested Alex’s absolute innocence, and I agreed to undertake further investigation. The next day I called all the boys who had been present to my office and said, “This is very simple. Someone now in this room did this to Ben and we’re not going to leave until I know who did it.” Two or three boys immediately turned to Alex and one said, “Alex, mate, come on. I mean really?”
It took just a couple of moments with everyone glaring at Alex for him to admit it was him. What happened next is what shocked me and still does today. I emailed home with the full story; no reply, no apology, nothing.
I saw Alex the next day in the corridor; he looked past me like nothing had happened. I challenged him and asked for an apology which he gave very begrudgingly. Alex had humiliated his father, wasted my time, burnt up any credit or trust I had in him and no one seemed to bat an eyelid. I don’t think that would have happened 30 years ago.
Modern parenting
It’s easy to become very judgemental about ‘gentle’ parenting and huff and puff about how Gen Alpha children have no boundaries and appear to be taught no manners or social skills. I have heard and read many analyses of why some millennial parents have become so much less accountable than their own parents, but those descriptions don’t really help find solutions. We are where we are!
Over-burdened schools
Not only has a very challenging relational dynamic between home and school taken hold but also schools are continually mandated to solve seemingly all societal ills. Schools must now actively safeguard children from all possible forms of harm including out of school hours, off-site and online.
The new version of KCSiE will be well over 200 pages and will contain over 70 links to pdf guidance with a further 2,000 pages to read and follow. And these are high stakes issues: if a single sentence is out of place in the reems of policies that cover safeguarding then senior leaders can lose their jobs. Amongst all these additional statutory responsibilities the glaring omission is any formal guidance directed at parents.
We have heard of two parents in the USA being jailed for not preventing their son’s mass killing rampage through a High School. Here in the UK, the parents of the Southport victims are publicly blaming the parents of the perpetrator for not doing more to prevent that horrifying tragedy. But is that enough? Are we seeing a trend here or just a blip?
Flipping the power dynamic
For all that I want to howl that schools are relentlessly being overburdened and under-funded, the ball is nonetheless in the school’s court and that represents an opportunity. If the state is not going to bring about any meaningful change in the way parents view the providers of their children’s education, then schools can fill that void.
It starts with the Home School Agreement. These have been around for many years but often lack teeth. However, one Deputy Head told me that her school’s guidance for parents is specific, direct and contains descriptions of the sanctions that will be taken to ensure that parents adhere to the agreement. For instance, she said, if any employee of the school receives an email that is not courteous and constructive then the employee is instructed not to reply but to forward the correspondence to a senior leader.
The senior leader will review the email and if necessary, return it to sender, highlighting the passages where the parent has transgressed, with specific reference made to the wording of the agreement. She reported that she never gets two emails like that from the same family; holding parents to account works.
The Home School Agreement needs to be a document which is discussed and fully explained when a parent makes an application for that school. It then needs to be relentlessly enforced. All parents should understand that any communication with the school that is not courteous and constructive will have a negative consequence on their child’s educational outcomes – simply as. That’s not about revenge or bitterness but the fact that teachers and senior leaders are human and undue pressure will change their behaviour in one way or another. Of course parents should complain if they feel things are going wrong – they have a duty to advocate for their child. But that does not excuse threatening communication, designed to intimidate and bully.
Training for all parents
But I want to go beyond that. I frequently hear of children in Year 1 who are still in nappies. These are not children with a pathological reason for nappies – just parents who regard potty training as the school’s responsibility. Those parents need some support to make better decisions and that support should come in the form of training.
We should require all parents in all year groups to undergo some training every year. There should be a minimum level of engagement and training links and devices can be provided. Schools are tired of putting on parent talks about things like online safety and mobile phone use for only a handful of parents who turn up. Parents need that training! It is their moral duty and absolute responsibility to look after their children at home, whether that involves teaching their child to read and write, know about diet and exercise, or how to protect themselves from toxic social media.
We need parents to do better, to have a better attitude, to become partners not customers. All the overwhelming burdens that have been placed on schools in the last 20 years have, perhaps ironically, placed schools in a uniquely powerful position. Schools, can demand, they can require and they can hold parents to account. Are they up for that challenge?
